“And it was very good…”
This was man’s starting point. It is his true identity. Across the world and over all times, men came into the world as essentially good!
This is difficult to believe. Nowadays men hear more about our badness, even our toxicity (the dominant form of masculinity wherein men use dominance, violence, and control to assert their power and superiority). Men are almost universally depicted as violent, unemotional, and non-nurturing. Although society doesn’t necessary imply that all masculinity is “toxic”, this contemporary view surely makes men feel like there is something inherently wrong with them. With “toxic masculinity” being the popular premise about men, it’s difficult to think of manhood in positive terms!
The original idea of being a man, was good. Men have been wired to be men in the world in such a way that all will benefit – fellow men, women, children, the earth. All the good qualities and traits of masculinity have been ingrained in the being of every man walking this earth. Unfortunately, with life that happened to them (see blog Adam wounded), some of this goodness got covered with layers of shame, anger, self-defense, and coping strategies. Men aren’t bad, they’re just hurt. The world needs to know this and help men see that their goodness is still there, waiting to be rediscovered and cultivated.
But what exactly are we talking about when we say that masculinity is good? Positive or healthy masculinity has been defined in several ways. The Crowther Centre in Australia (2021) suggests that positive masculinity should be defined as “the expression of attitudes and behaviours (character strengths and virtues which any gender might have) that have been embodied and enacted by males for the common good, both individually and for the community.” Kiselica et al proposed that positive masculinity is “prosocial behaviours, attitudes and beliefs in boys and men, which result in a noticeable positive consequence for themselves or others.” Healthy or positive masculinity is the idea that men can be emotionally expressive, have female friends or mentors, and express their emotions without feeling emasculated. It’s the expression of positive human qualities in specific ‘male ways’.
If you ask men what healthy masculinity looks like, the following words might be mentioned: strong, decisive, practical, logical, protective, courageous, acting, self-reliant, etc. These are helpful, but abstract descriptions. It remains unclear how these would translate into practical application. What does this look like in real life?
Archetypes can be very helpful to make this clear! An archetype (ARK-uh-type) is an idea, symbol, pattern, or character-type, in a story. It's any story element that appears again and again in stories from cultures around the world and symbolizes something universal in the human experience. (Examples include the hero, the victim, the jester, the bully, the devil, the adventurer, etc.) To make ‘positive masculinity’ a more vivid concept, the archetypes of the king, warrior, magician, and lover provide us with images/symbols/feelings/attitudes/descriptions that make healthy masculinity practical.
A man that acts as a good KING in his life, creates order, safety, and peace in his “kingdom”. He sees, admires, and delights in his “subjects”, rewards them, and bestows honours upon them, like a good father would do. He is well loved and respected. He brings safety by creating structure, laws, boundaries, and societal order. He is the custodian of customs and traditions, integration, and integrity. He stabilizes chaotic emotion and out-of-control behaviours. The good king is seasoned, complex, wise, and selfless. He has a central calmness about who he is, and his essential unassailability and has certainty in his masculine identity. He hears himself speak from an inner authority. The king has a transpersonal devotion, caring for others deeply and genuinely.
The courageous WARRIOR in every man is a strategist, a man of great courage, devoted to causes greater than his own personal survival. His aggressiveness is channeled to do good: the positive warrior energy destroys only what needs to be destroyed for something new and fresh, more alive, and more virtuous to appear. He takes the offensive about life’s tasks and problems. He is mindful and uses discernment, realistically assessing his capacities and his limitations. He takes decisive action, engages life, and doesn’t “think too much,” avoiding self-consciousness. He lives with the awareness of his own imminent death - this awareness leads him to an outpouring of life-force and to an intense experience of his life. The warrior has an unconquerable spirit, has great courage, takes responsibility for his actions, and has self-discipline (the rigor to develop control and mastery over his mind and over his body, and that he has the capacity to withstand pain, both psychological and physical). If we are accessing the warrior appropriately, we will be energetic, decisive, courageous, enduring, persevering, and loyal to some greater good beyond our own personal gain.
The wise MAGICIAN is the knower, and he is the Master of Technology. All knowledge that takes special training to acquire - spending large amounts of time, energy, and money to be initiated into rarefied realms of his secret power. It is to him that people go with their questions, problems, pains, and diseases of the body and the mind - he shows up in a crisis. The magician is the archetype of thoughtfulness, reflection, and the energy of introversion. He has deep understanding and reflection about himself and others, and technical skill in his outer work and in his inner handling of psychological forces.
The passionate LOVER is sensual, related and connected – he has sensitivity to the outer environment. He feels compassionately and is empathetically united to others and to nature. His libido is not just his sexual appetite, but a general appetite for life! He lives close to the “fire” of passion, aliveness, and feeling. The lover is the archetype of play (and humour!) and of “display,” of healthy embodiment, of being in the world of sensuous pleasure and in one’s own body without shame. The lover is inspired by the arts, philosophy, aesthetics, and opens him up to spirituality. In his essence, he is related, connected, alive, enthusiastic, compassionate, empathic, energized, and romantic.
There is so much good about being a man! Imagine men who access these capacities and potentialities on a regular basis. How differently we would feel as men, and positively impact our world, if we took on these traits and act as kings, warriors, magicians, and lovers.
Saying it like this surely sounds idealistic and unattainable. Perhaps the aim for now should just be to acknowledge that there is a healthy way of being a man and that these traits are still part of our makeup – below the layers of adaptation to survive our pain, a man can believe that his core is good and is still very much there, waiting to be rediscovered and cultivated.
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